Everything

...because you see, when you really put everything on a bagel, it becomes this: the truth...nothing matters. Feels nice, doesn't it? If nothing matters, then all the pain and guilt you feel for making nothing of your life, it goes away. Sucked...into...a...bagel.

Sometimes, do you ever feel fine, like completely fine, going through your day and doing your task, and suddenly, a strange feeling begin to creep in and whisphers echoes of questions like, "Wait. Why am I doing this?"

I am a 3rd year college student majoring in Information Technology. My usual weekly routine looks like this: On Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, I dive into the world of IT, attending my classes These days are filled with lectures, discussions, and the camaraderie of fellow students navigating the same technological landscape.

Yet, amidst the computer codes and syntax, there are moments when a peculiar thought sneaks in: 'Does any of this truly matter?' In the grand scheme of the universe, do these algorithms and assignments hold any weight?''

In moments like those, the routine we've meticulously crafted becomes a theater for existential inquiry. The mundanity of daily life collides with the profound, and we find ourselves standing at the crossroads of purpose and uncertainty. It's like someone lifted a curtain, showing us the complicated dance of our actions against the big backdrop of the universe.

Is there meaning in these tasks, or are they just parts of a bigger puzzle we don't get yet?

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When I look at the night sky, I see the dance of stars trying to fight the darkness of the universe. Think about this: the speed of light travels at around 300,000 kilometers per second. So, for example, if the Sun were to disappear right now, it would take 8 minutes before we actually notice it as its light finally fades for one last time. But for the stars millions of light years far away from us, it would take thousands to millions of years before it even reach us. This also means that the light from the stars we see right now, some of them may have long vanished in the distant past, and that information just hadn't had reached our world yet.

Why does light travels the way it does? Why does it have a limit? What dictated the laws of light, or everything? Like a computer programmer who carefully writes a code for their program to run, did anyone write the rules and laws of the universe?

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Think of a ball that is thrown upwards. Using physics, we can tell the trajectory of an object if we know all the configurations of the object, and the external factors in the environment, we can precisely tell where it will land exactly. In short, the laws of the universe allow for the exact prediction of the physical objects, we aren't just advanced enough to know all the information to make it possible.

Now, consider your current actions. How certain are you that every move you make stems from a genuine desire? We, as humans, often take for granted that free will is as innate as the act of breathing itself. But when you dig into it, making choices isn't as straightforward as it seems. Are we in control of what we decide, or are we just following a script influenced by a bunch of things around us? The idea of free will can be kind of tricky. We live thinking our decisions are our own, but when you look closer, you see all these different factors playing a role. As I'm thinking about this, I realize there's a back-and-forth between us having control over our choices and things kind of being predetermined. Even the act of questioning free will shows this paradox – wondering about choice while not being sure where those questions are coming from. In a world where everything works in a cause-and-effect way, with our brains doing stuff we aren't even aware of, the whole free will thing gets a bit shaky. It's a deep question that people have been trying to figure out for a really long time.

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Why do we have laws, and who were the architects of justice? What compels us to determine what is right and wrong? If I peel back the layers of societal norms and ethical principles, will I uncover a universal truth, or is morality just a collective illusion we've woven to bring order to our chaos? Contemplating the origin of governments led me down a rabbit hole of political philosophy. Who first conceived the idea of governance, and why did societies choose to organize themselves in such intricate structures? Is the pursuit of power an intrinsic part of human nature, or did it emerge as a response to the complexities of communal living? As I ponder the blue shirt draped over my shoulders, I wonder about the origin of fashion itself. Who decided that certain colors and styles are aesthetically pleasing? Did someone, at some point, envision a world adorned in fabrics, or did fashion arise organically from the kaleidoscope of human creativity? If I rewind the time, how far will I be able to go? What is the beginning of everything? How did life arise? How did humans exist? Science and religion have both tried to answer these questions, but one thing remained: the elusive mystery shrouding the beginning of it all.

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As I write these bunch of random questions in my computer screen, eight billion other individuals are also too busy with their own lives, each with their own life, beliefs, world, ideas, fear, hopes, and dreams. Some people are really happy on one side of the world, having a good time. But on the other side, some are struggling just to get some food. It's like a big difference between having a lot and having almost nothing. While I'm sitting here comfortably, somewhere a mom might be feeling really sad because she lost her son. In another place, a child might have been hurt or killed because of wars between countries. In quiet places at home, a woman might be very sad because she lost her sister. At the same time, someone who didn't do anything wrong might be in trouble, going to jail for their whole life. When the new year starts, some families are happy and have plenty of things. But on the other side, there are families with nothing on their table, starting the new year in a tough way. Governments will fight wars, and leaders will shake their hands. But the mother of a soldier who fell in the battlefield will wait for his son, only for him to never come back. The human life is an intricate tapestry of experiences, emotions, and connections, woven together in a complexity that surpasses our understanding. It unfolds on our tiny little blue planet, a mere speck of dot in the vastness of space, adding another layer to the astonishing complexity of our existence.

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Let's talk about the future. In a few decades, you and I will vanish off the face of the Earth, and so does all our hopes, dreams, fears, and conciousness. People would tell you, "that's okay, it's about the impact you made to people around you" and while that may seem comforting at first, the truth is that eventually all the people you supposedly "impacted" will be gone as well. In a few million years, when humanity is lucky enough not to blow itself up to extinction, the Sun will have swallowed our blue planet and destroy it. You may say, "well probably at that point we may have colonized other planets". But all those planets will face the same fate, eventually as well. In the far future, the universe will have become so vast that all the galaxies will have shifted away from us, and all future humans will see is nothing but infinite darkness, thinking theirs are the only place existing in the universe. In a far future after that, all the stars in the universe will run out of their gas, dimming one by one. All that's left are black holes. But even black holes will evaporate too in an amount of time so long, we may as well equate it to infinity. And then that's it. We may have reached the end of time. All the beauty and ugliness of what once called "Earth", all our philosophy, all our art, all our science, all our joy, hope, pride, terror, all the governments, all the clothes we loved to wear, all the songs we loved to sing, all the places we used to love will be gone - as if they never existed. The universe has completely reached the state of maximum entropy. If everything is heading towards death and decay, then what is the point of everything? What is the point of doing what I do? If all of these will be gone and there's nobody to remember it, then does anything really matter?

Probably not. Maybe none of these matters. The universe, in all its vastness, indeed seems indifferent to our existence. It lacks an inherent purpose, and perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, whatever I do holds little significance. But recently, I'm starting to come to terms with these cold brute facts. Maybe that's okay. Nothing matters. I get to create my own meaning, my own purpose. In a world where the universe remains silent on the significance of my actions, I get to choose what matters to me, forge my own path, and define the purpose that resonates with the depths of my being.

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.

Written by Emmanuel Martinez